[ it may have been jayce, but somehow the lack of a direct no has him stopping mid step to carefully watch viktor. he couldn't see the face he was making, but the answer hadn't satisfied him completely. after a moment of diligent pause, jayce asks: ]
You'd tell me if there were, right?
[ you won't seclude yourself and hide it from me again, will you? jayce watches in wait before he's ready to climb the rest of the way up. he'd feel better with an answer before they're met with distracting starlight.
one of his greater fears right now is viktor simply— disappearing from him, again. he just wakes up one day and viktor has left him, without a word. even if they've spoken, even if viktor has said otherwise now— what if, you know? ]
Of course. [ It's quick and honest though, on second thought, Viktor would probably hold back that kind of information if the trade off was being in pain for the sake of healing Jayce. The other doesn't need to know about how Viktor had struggled nor the strange euphoria that had come with the height of the spell, magic slotting into place, and finishing. Gods, even just the way he's wording it in his mind is suspect. ] In the interest of honesty, the spell was more difficult to perform than I'd anticipated, but it's a challenge to calculate something with so many unknown variables.
[ He knows that he needs to regain Jayce's trust for so many more reasons than he'd care to linger on right now. The focus is on being here, staying present, telling him when things are wrong and trusting that Jayce will do the same. ]
[ valid and so easily said, there's no room for jayce to suspect a thing. after a silent moment flipping it around in his brain, jayce accepts, ]
I believe you.
[ with a twinge of relief easily visible through the relaxation of the corners of his eyes. it's just him, probably. there wasn't anything to worry about. well, the roof awaits. adjusting his hold on his box, jayce nods and works himself up the remaining staircases. ]
[ Viktor nods as his only reply, accepting the fact that Jayce believes him and falling into a comfortable silence for the remainder of their ascent. Once they reach the final landing, he once again pauses to let Jayce catch his breath before opening the door.
Outside, the night is lit from above by ghostly, shifting light. It makes for strange shadows and reflections on the rooftop where creeping vines seem to glow blue and purple and pink from one minute to the next. Viktor's eye is drawn to the sky, up to the colors that remind him of memories both painful and powerful. ]
It isn't too cold, is it? [ He props the door open, wary of being locked out on a tall roof and a cold night. ] We can pile the blankets together somewhere.
[ even before they reach the very top, through the doors, jayce is captivated by the shifting hues— it's one of those things he would've woken viktor up in the middle of the night for. if he still slept, that is. double taking downwards, jayce kicks a piece of discarded debris between the door and its hatch, so they don't have to worry about the lock.
jayce is not completely blind to the sensation, watching viktor between the wave of colors, of awe and melancholy— he feels it shared, like a rub across his back made known. he wasn't viktor to truly know it, but he was there. he tried to understand, and he thought he could at least a bit. this is what you see?
the astral plane was beautiful, despite the circumstances that brought them there. if they could revel in the arcane's space without losing themselves, jayce would think the same thing he does now, without worry: this is beautiful.
he could see his own breath, puffy and white in the air; it was cold, but not something that couldn't be remedied with more blankets over him. jayce fixes the ones already over his shoulder and walks to help find a good spot. any spot would do, really. ]
Nothing these and good talk won't fix.
[ jayce flashes a quick quirk of the lips before he pats the arch of viktor's back and encourages him to follow. ]
[ Chuckling, Viktor shakes his head fondly. Only Jayce would find warmth in a conversation, especially one with so much potential to be awkward or full of silences. Even when they were on better terms, working daily in the lab together, they mostly talked about experiments and inventions and science and facts. They don't have any projects to discuss right now, so the topics left are ones that Viktor is a little less well-versed in, less of an expert.
That's something to worry about later. Now, he folds down to his knees and lays out a couple of blankets on the rooftop both to pad the hard surface and keep Jayce warm from below. With that settled, he sits on one corner and folds his knees to his chest, trying to take up as little space as possible. ]
[ they . . . might still run that risk, even with jayce eager to simply talk and talk and fill in the spaces they used to. he's willing to take the risk anyway, but stops at the first words that come to mind. it's beautiful.
that might not lead to anything more than reminiscing, so . . . he'll have to settle with his gaze upward once he sits rather unceremoneously, rump to blankets and legs stretched out. with the box now set aside, jayce can rummage through it. ]
Why not start with these? [ two books slightly puffed at the seams with humidity, but the pages are still easily flippable and readable. the first title reads: a brief history of time by stephen hawking, and entangled life by merlin sheldrake. both caught jayce's eye by cover alone; equations in the background of the latter, and plants (and fungi) in the former. ] They're for you.
[ Viktor shifts once Jayce has taken his spot, scooting a little closer but staying folded up with his arms wrapped around his legs to keep them pressed to his chest. He doesn't expect Jayce to withdrawn something from the box to start a conversation, certainly doesn't expect to see books in decent condition, and definitely doesn't expect them to be for him. Arm falling from around his shin, he reaches out towards Jayce's hand and takes the books. It highlights how different they are in size now, Viktor's fingers easily taking the two books and dwarfing Jayce's entire hand used to hold both together. ]
For me? [ He holds them close on his left side to make it easier to focus his one eye on the covers. It takes a moment for the words to click, all of the letters falling into place in his mind but needing to consciously mentally pluck them and file them as full words. ] Thank you, Jayce. These will be good study material to improve my English and learn more about the science of this world.
[ for just a moment, jayce allows his fingers to curl up once his hand goes empty, chasing viktor's fingers just as they haul their new goods away. lowering himself to encourage more comfort, jayce rests on a forearm and, with hope, wonders if viktor would at the very least disengage the compactness he's forcing himself to take.
he points to the first title, and looking proud of himself announces: ]
This one's "A Brief History of Time", [ and he's only managed to do so because he's rehearsed for this moment. sharon helped him out, sure . . . but jayce wanted to learn, too. he wouldn't have half the ease viktor currently had with the letters, but that's never stopped jayce from absorbing knowledge. he'll get there— he'll keep up. ] right?
[ Jayce moves and Viktor follows him, a sunflower tracking the path of the sun. His bent legs fold to the side and nearly brush against Jayce next to him, and while he holds one book in his lap, the other stays aloft as he holds it with the spine in his palm and allows gravity to pull the pages apart and grant him a quick sample of the contents. ]
That's right. [ There's a smile in his voice, both proud of Jayce's intelligence and also enjoying that he might seek validation from Viktor. It's a hint of the past, of them working together in the lab and Jayce showing him calculations just to get a bit of praise rather than actually second-guessing his work. ] It's quite an ambitious title.
[ Scanning the page that had been randomly selected for him, his eyes catch a familiar word that stands out amidst a sentence. The universe doesn't allow perfection. He shivers from the cold stone that sinks into his stomach and gently closes the tome, setting it on the blanket beside him to abandon it in favor of the other. ] And this one? What drew you to it?
[ he did in fact, want a selfish bit of validation just as much as showing that he could keep up, still bright despite his head seemingly poor in other angles— that he was fine, that he was still himself, or at least he could be.
while jayce feels a cushioning sensation of comfort bloom in his chest as viktor relaxes, there is just . . . something in the way he puts the first book aside that makes jayce feel the icy swell of discomfort. it's shared, once again, though he couldn't tell whether that was his own fertile imagination or his empathy or . . . the actual elephant sitting in the corner that could amount to their tether. much like anything else that bothers jayce to the point that he questions his reality, he leaves it be. for now. ]
Full disclosure . . . The plants. [ and it reminded him of viktor. jayce raises his shoulders and clears away the knot that causes his face to heat up. he lays down, instead— head looking up, and hands folded over his chest. now's a good time to pull another blanket and watch a twinkling wave of color rush over the roof. ] You know more about plants than I do.
[ Viktor fears that his attempt to subtly set aside the first book did not go unnoticed, perhaps appearing ungrateful for such a thoughtful gift. Was it just fate that everything be tainted by his past misdeeds? The chances of opening to a quote about perfection... surely it couldn't just be cruel serendipity.
He traces a finger over the fungi adorning the cover in his hands, flashes of memories that weren't his coming to the forefront of his mind. Jayce standing atop the ruined Hexgate, exotic plant life spreading from two still figures at the epicenter. Viktor knows more about plants, yes, but the similarity between the colorful fungi on the cover and that arcane flora so closely tied with the older version of Viktor that he'll never become... ]
Thank you again, Jayce. It will be a good way to pass the time to learn more about the fungi of this world.
[ Looking down at him where he lies, he feels his chest swell with affection. Jayce had taken the time to find books that would interest him, to read their titles in a foreign language, and bring them back safely to Viktor. His emotions cannot be expressed through one glowing eye nor his unchanging face, so he reaches out a hand to rest on Jayce's knee. ]
Really. Thank you. [ It will be a good challenge to keep him company in the dead of night. ]
[ if there was a way to put the entire universe in a single stare . . . jayce has mastered it. the way he looks at viktor, the way his love bleeds out, the slight crease as his brows come together, the smile, the way his eyes see beyond. with jayce's hand placed on top of viktor's and fingers curling to squeeze the sides of viktor's palm, their tether surges like a live wire given life, energy— tangling and braiding until their essence sunchronizes. what they feel is one.
the lights above aplified the beauty of it. ]
—I'll, [ there was a bit of tension he's now a little awkward about, even if he's still smiling through it, and still very well holding the top of viktor's hand. it doesn't look like he's letting go any time soon. ] still want to read it, after you.
[ The light playing softly over Jayce's face makes him younger again, softens the lines of pain and scars of time, paints his facial hair until Viktor remembers how Jayce had appeared in the astral plane. There's a weight to his expression, like a physical touch against Viktor's skin, a magnetic force that pulls him closer. He shifts again, lower to prop himself up with a hand splayed on the blanket near Jayce's shoulder, and for a second he imagines it: leaning down fully, pressing a kiss to those plush lips. But the Viktor in his mind's eye is human, has a warm mouth to press against and two working eyes of amber and is all soft skin to embrace. This is the dreamscape Viktor, so far from the reality of a cold, hard, metal husk that he must live with, his own cross to bear. ]
We could read it together. [ He doesn't lean in closer, but he does ease himself down backward until he's lying on the roof next to Jayce's sandwich of blankets, staring up at the sky and clutching both books to his chest. The tether tugs at him, an eager dog on a leash puling it taught and straining for release, but Viktor holds firm. He may be warming up to the idea that Jayce could see past the machine to find his partner again, but he isn't delusional to believe that anything more could come from that look, those hazel eyes. ]
[ somewhere in between the short silence, jayce too searches viktor's face, or at least half of it. he knows the want is his, he's realized it for a while now, growing thicker roots the longer they stay together. it had spooked jayce earlier, mostly because of viktor's reaction and the fear of his shutting down, of losing him again. but viktor settles in his welcome, tempting jayce to scoot closer as they keep their glances and maintain . . . hand contact, for an amount of time that by now, jayce could feel the heat pooling in his stomack and creeping up his neck. something snaps jayce out of his dreamy stupor into surprise. pleasant surprise, in fact, enough that it pries the wandering eyes that have found part of viktor's old lips, his mole— and sputters. ]
[ Viktor isn't sure what causes Jayce to sputter until he thinks about it; them reading together, shoulder to shoulder, pressing close in the cold of this world and sharing light that is probably conjured by Viktor. It's intimate to be sure, and with the additional thought of Jayce falling asleep while leaning against Viktor, his head lolling to rest on his shoulder... ]
Even if you sleep. I'll just make you read aloud the next day to cover anything you missed.
[ make him? that shoots up jayce excitement out of nowhere— ]
I'll have an excellent teacher, is what you're saying.
[ jayce would— actually like that for more than a single reason. the proximity, that's one. the fact that he's going to be drilled on reading in english. that's another thrill. the last outlook was more soothing— he would fall asleep to talking in the worst case scenario. it was better than silence. and viktor being close by— closer than usual, could ease his pre-slumber anxiety. ]
I kick sometimes. And I might snore right next to you. [ but that was just a bit of good humor— viktor might have already noticed jayce hardly sleeps well. he thrashes. he moans. he gasps and wakes up startled, desperately tries to pretend he hadn't jolted awake by keeping too still. ] Is . . . That alright?
[ That surprises some laughter from him, considering they have experience with the same teacher who was very hands-off with the both of them until it came time to lends his support which... never came. ]
That's a bit subjective, but I know you like to be challenged.
[ He wishes he could smile to Jayce, flash him a small and playful bit of teeth. What a fool he'd been to wish to cast off emotions, to live what he thought would be a peaceful life when really it was just numbing everything inside and around him. Humanity really was beautiful because of its flaws, but so much more so thanks to its blessings. ]
Jayce, you do know I cannot sleep. [ It's stated as a fact in hopes that it won't elicit any pity or equally negative emotions. There's no reason for Viktor to be concerned with the kicking or snoring outside of being indicators as to how Jayce is sleeping, if he's visited by the nightmares that clearly plague him whether or not he remembers upon waking. ] It won't bother me unless you start hurting yourself.
Well, [ the air rises from his curled lips in thick white puffs, ] can't say I didn't warn you.
[ it's all smiles and huffing through his teeth until jayce's eyes slip between them from the distraction of the sky and . . . well. from a side profile he double takes rapidly as his stare falls on their hands. still linked. his on top of viktor's. made hyperaware of how long the contact has gone for, jayce goes deathly still, barely breathes even.
part of him doesn't even want to break off. part of him is feeling the pin needle prick of awkward, too-warm belly-flips seizing him. the thought of weaving their fingers invades jayce. then, the gentle caress of his thumb across the top of viktor's golden capped tendons. both of those things— he's unsure if he could take those steps fearlessly.
jayce settles with a midway resolution: he squeezes viktor's hand instead of jolting away from it. it is a firm grip, languid and resisting the feeling of overstaying his welcome, and just as he slips away slow, indeed his thumb leaves the quietest of marks: a brush on top. and that's it. it's gone, now over his chest, and adjusting his blankets so he doesn't have to show his partner how dark his cheeks were.
his heart is pounding. in his ears. the sky should count as a good distraction as jayce fights the urge to smile a little too stupidly, ear to ear. ]
[ Looking up at the sky, entranced by the movement of the colors above them, Viktor doesn't realize they're still holding hands until Jayce gives his a squeeze. It folds him with dueling instincts: to pull away in shame, worrying that he had been the one to miss the cue to pull away and Jayce was trying to let go without damaging Viktor's ego, or to squeeze back in the hopes that it had just felt so natural to them both that they had forgotten about the connection. Should he apologize? Should he say anything at all? The answer comes in the form of going speechless at the faint brush of thumb over his knuckles, and then Jayce's hand is gone. How can he just say something so casually when Viktor's mind is racing, his chest whirring faster and at a volume he's scared will be audible. ]
Yes. [ He's looking over at Jayce while clenching and unclenching his hand at his side, resisting the urge to reach over and take back the prize he hadn't been aware of winning earlier. Realizing he'd replied without thinking, he looks back up at the sky. ] Um, very beautiful. Even knowing the scientific cause doesn't lessen the aesthetic impact.
[ that rush is just jayce— it has to be, he knows it as his own. the butterflies flipping his belly around in somersaults, too. the awkward air around them is charged, zapping away at the silence— jayce doesn't even know if he could bring himself to frown at it, leaving him pleasantly giddy than actually nervous. there had been no outright rejection, after all.
if anyone were to question jayce on what the hell he was doing, he couldn't bring himself to give two shits. so much time has gone lost between them. every night jayce fears he will wake up and viktor will be gone, perhaps not because he's . . . left, jayce hopes not, but teleporting has a strange way of happening. jayce settles on a single thought as he blankly oggles a shift in purple to pink hues under clouds. he doesn't know how to work out the kinks or how it would work at all— only: i want to be with him.
he wonders if viktor would tire of his advances. if he would even notice them. if he would take offense in them. think of them as nothing more than close associates. friends. part of jayce accepts it beforehand, part of him doesn't. that part just squirms uncomfortably. wasn't seven years enough—? ]
I . . . Wonder how far up north we are. There're auroras in the Freljord.
[ jayce lightly scoffs; small talk aside, of course it had to be somewhere northern. he bets his soul just invites it. ]
[ Viktor feels his non-existent stomach fluttering with nerves and tries hard to smother it in case Jayce feels anything through their connection. The tethers are still largely mysteries to them, and beyond being useful to find Jayce when he was getting himself into trouble, Viktor hadn't yet guessed at the purpose of them. While survival was certainly easier in groups, the community caring for the individual and vice versa, that didn't mean there was a reason for Sleep to push them into deeper bonds than what was already attainable without... magic.
Magic that feels like such a gift and a curse. Viktor is aware that his attitude towards it has changed thanks to what he'd thought had been his third death; if they had somehow teleported into this place years ago, they would be wide-eyed and eager to play with magic at every opportunity. It comes with consequences now, though, and it's more difficult to produce than just popping a gemstone into a weapon as a power source. The study of runes reminds Viktor painfully of the Hexcore that had ruined his life in his attempts to save himself, the entity that had used a vulnerable body to further its evolution.
Shaking himself from such thoughts, he turns them back to the sky above and Jayce beside him. He shivers slightly and edges closer, moving until his back is on the blanket next to Jayce, and it's only thanks to their height difference that their fingers don't brush against each other. ]
It's possible that we're not very far up at all. The celestial phenomena that predates whatever cataclysm happened here might have altered this planet and its star enough to— [ He glances over at Jayce, so close that some of his hair falls to mingle with Jayce's on the blanket beneath them. ] Well, cause an aurora. Assuming that the causes are the same, given we haven't seen the existence of a star yet.
[ huh. he hadn't thought about that. he could kiss viktor's mind. among other things. and what better way to distract himself from his leg and the nights prior than a session of much needed nerdism. ]
The planet is still rotating on its axis, [ after a moment, he points out to a cluster of smaller stars further off the aurora's belt. he's seen it before, during earlier days where he'd watch the sky for any landmarks, familiar constellations. he'd come up empty handed for any runeterra-born constellations. jayce's hand falls between them once more, his glance sideways being brief and aware of how close they are. he doesn't adjust or inch away at all. in fact— ] see those?
[ he points again, this time knocking their temples close, with purpose, to guide viktor's singular line of vision to where he's got his own. he's looking at five stars that form a cross— or a kite. ]
They're never in the same place for long. And twice now, down there— [ his arm angles east— although he doesn't know that, ] I've caught a light that presses against the edge. It just never breaches.
[ he can't tell what time it is to say if it's daylight trying to push through and never does. or some sort of other phenomenon. with his arm back down between them, elbows bump and limbs press close, woven with the fabric layers of jayce's blankets.
stargazing is a past time he's spent ignoring even since his focus shifted as an adult. he used to do it so much as a kid . . . it feels nice. feels good. nostalgic. viktor in the mix of it is like icing on a cake. ]
[ Jayce presses their temples together and Viktor goes still, worried he might hurt him by simply moving. He's hard metal and sharp edges, not something that's great for pressing up against, but he appreciates Jayce's guidance in pointing the constellation to him. Making a mental note to look for some kind of star charts when he next gets an opportunity to do so, he hums at the sound logic his partner presents. ]
It could be that the orbit and rotation align to cause long "nights" that last a span of time that, to us, feels like weeks passing. [ He thinks of the man he'd met who had lived in an alternate version of this place, according to his very confident conjecture, and Viktor makes yet another note to ask him about the day and night cycle where he comes from. ] Again, possible based on this unknown crisis that emptied this city and possibly beyond. If something happened to change the trajectory of the planet's orbit, a lack of sunlight could have led to the strange flora and fauna seen here.
[ This is easy, no matter how much the proximity gives him metaphorical goosebumps, the brush of arms and heads, the warmth he can feel coming off of Jayce from beneath his blankets. Viktor, still looking up, pulls the top layer back over Jayce's exposed arm but wiggles his hand beneath the blanket to press the back against Jayce's, unwilling to give up the touch. ]
[ oh, that— that's a two-hit k.o. jayce isn't used to being cared for in this way, or at the very least its been some time since— it not only warms jayce to his core, but the simple gesture leaves him speechless and staring. with these big, damn doe eyes, a vik caught in his throat—
and about to stay there. jayce swallows the name down, and hell it feels tight, as he pulls his gaze away and ferments in the fact that, beneath the warm protection the covers offered, viktor has purposely driven their hands back together. well, it couldn't have been an accident. it's too elaborate of one.
jayce's heart soars. his hand stays. ]
We could . . . Make a compass, [ jayce's index finger curls over viktor's. his thumb presses to the finger's first joint, burning each golden curve to memory. there's a quiet elation to jayce. a heat that keeps him warmer than the blankets. connection that runs deeperthat the surface contact, an intricate network, and a door jayce opens. ] and I could've sworn there was an astrology exhibit on the museum's map.
[ they could quite possibly gather all the info needed in regards to constellations if the information wasn't eaten away by time and alien fungal matter— maybe that way . . . they could fingure at least something out about where they are and how much time is passing. it was easy to get lost in the days when there was no indication of when it was supposed to end. ]
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You'd tell me if there were, right?
[ you won't seclude yourself and hide it from me again, will you? jayce watches in wait before he's ready to climb the rest of the way up. he'd feel better with an answer before they're met with distracting starlight.
one of his greater fears right now is viktor simply— disappearing from him, again. he just wakes up one day and viktor has left him, without a word. even if they've spoken, even if viktor has said otherwise now— what if, you know? ]
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[ He knows that he needs to regain Jayce's trust for so many more reasons than he'd care to linger on right now. The focus is on being here, staying present, telling him when things are wrong and trusting that Jayce will do the same. ]
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I believe you.
[ with a twinge of relief easily visible through the relaxation of the corners of his eyes. it's just him, probably. there wasn't anything to worry about. well, the roof awaits. adjusting his hold on his box, jayce nods and works himself up the remaining staircases. ]
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Outside, the night is lit from above by ghostly, shifting light. It makes for strange shadows and reflections on the rooftop where creeping vines seem to glow blue and purple and pink from one minute to the next. Viktor's eye is drawn to the sky, up to the colors that remind him of memories both painful and powerful. ]
It isn't too cold, is it? [ He props the door open, wary of being locked out on a tall roof and a cold night. ] We can pile the blankets together somewhere.
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jayce is not completely blind to the sensation, watching viktor between the wave of colors, of awe and melancholy— he feels it shared, like a rub across his back made known. he wasn't viktor to truly know it, but he was there. he tried to understand, and he thought he could at least a bit. this is what you see?
the astral plane was beautiful, despite the circumstances that brought them there. if they could revel in the arcane's space without losing themselves, jayce would think the same thing he does now, without worry: this is beautiful.
he could see his own breath, puffy and white in the air; it was cold, but not something that couldn't be remedied with more blankets over him. jayce fixes the ones already over his shoulder and walks to help find a good spot. any spot would do, really. ]
Nothing these and good talk won't fix.
[ jayce flashes a quick quirk of the lips before he pats the arch of viktor's back and encourages him to follow. ]
I think we have enough
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That's something to worry about later. Now, he folds down to his knees and lays out a couple of blankets on the rooftop both to pad the hard surface and keep Jayce warm from below. With that settled, he sits on one corner and folds his knees to his chest, trying to take up as little space as possible. ]
Is there more you wish to discuss?
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that might not lead to anything more than reminiscing, so . . . he'll have to settle with his gaze upward once he sits rather unceremoneously, rump to blankets and legs stretched out. with the box now set aside, jayce can rummage through it. ]
Why not start with these? [ two books slightly puffed at the seams with humidity, but the pages are still easily flippable and readable. the first title reads: a brief history of time by stephen hawking, and entangled life by merlin sheldrake. both caught jayce's eye by cover alone; equations in the background of the latter, and plants (and fungi) in the former. ] They're for you.
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For me? [ He holds them close on his left side to make it easier to focus his one eye on the covers. It takes a moment for the words to click, all of the letters falling into place in his mind but needing to consciously mentally pluck them and file them as full words. ] Thank you, Jayce. These will be good study material to improve my English and learn more about the science of this world.
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he points to the first title, and looking proud of himself announces: ]
This one's "A Brief History of Time", [ and he's only managed to do so because he's rehearsed for this moment. sharon helped him out, sure . . . but jayce wanted to learn, too. he wouldn't have half the ease viktor currently had with the letters, but that's never stopped jayce from absorbing knowledge. he'll get there— he'll keep up. ] right?
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That's right. [ There's a smile in his voice, both proud of Jayce's intelligence and also enjoying that he might seek validation from Viktor. It's a hint of the past, of them working together in the lab and Jayce showing him calculations just to get a bit of praise rather than actually second-guessing his work. ] It's quite an ambitious title.
[ Scanning the page that had been randomly selected for him, his eyes catch a familiar word that stands out amidst a sentence. The universe doesn't allow perfection. He shivers from the cold stone that sinks into his stomach and gently closes the tome, setting it on the blanket beside him to abandon it in favor of the other. ] And this one? What drew you to it?
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while jayce feels a cushioning sensation of comfort bloom in his chest as viktor relaxes, there is just . . . something in the way he puts the first book aside that makes jayce feel the icy swell of discomfort. it's shared, once again, though he couldn't tell whether that was his own fertile imagination or his empathy or . . . the actual elephant sitting in the corner that could amount to their tether. much like anything else that bothers jayce to the point that he questions his reality, he leaves it be. for now. ]
Full disclosure . . . The plants. [ and it reminded him of viktor. jayce raises his shoulders and clears away the knot that causes his face to heat up. he lays down, instead— head looking up, and hands folded over his chest. now's a good time to pull another blanket and watch a twinkling wave of color rush over the roof. ] You know more about plants than I do.
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He traces a finger over the fungi adorning the cover in his hands, flashes of memories that weren't his coming to the forefront of his mind. Jayce standing atop the ruined Hexgate, exotic plant life spreading from two still figures at the epicenter. Viktor knows more about plants, yes, but the similarity between the colorful fungi on the cover and that arcane flora so closely tied with the older version of Viktor that he'll never become... ]
Thank you again, Jayce. It will be a good way to pass the time to learn more about the fungi of this world.
[ Looking down at him where he lies, he feels his chest swell with affection. Jayce had taken the time to find books that would interest him, to read their titles in a foreign language, and bring them back safely to Viktor. His emotions cannot be expressed through one glowing eye nor his unchanging face, so he reaches out a hand to rest on Jayce's knee. ]
Really. Thank you. [ It will be a good challenge to keep him company in the dead of night. ]
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the lights above aplified the beauty of it. ]
—I'll, [ there was a bit of tension he's now a little awkward about, even if he's still smiling through it, and still very well holding the top of viktor's hand. it doesn't look like he's letting go any time soon. ] still want to read it, after you.
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We could read it together. [ He doesn't lean in closer, but he does ease himself down backward until he's lying on the roof next to Jayce's sandwich of blankets, staring up at the sky and clutching both books to his chest. The tether tugs at him, an eager dog on a leash puling it taught and straining for release, but Viktor holds firm. He may be warming up to the idea that Jayce could see past the machine to find his partner again, but he isn't delusional to believe that anything more could come from that look, those hazel eyes. ]
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Even if I'll sleep at some point?
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Even if you sleep. I'll just make you read aloud the next day to cover anything you missed.
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I'll have an excellent teacher, is what you're saying.
[ jayce would— actually like that for more than a single reason. the proximity, that's one. the fact that he's going to be drilled on reading in english. that's another thrill. the last outlook was more soothing— he would fall asleep to talking in the worst case scenario. it was better than silence. and viktor being close by— closer than usual, could ease his pre-slumber anxiety. ]
I kick sometimes. And I might snore right next to you. [ but that was just a bit of good humor— viktor might have already noticed jayce hardly sleeps well. he thrashes. he moans. he gasps and wakes up startled, desperately tries to pretend he hadn't jolted awake by keeping too still. ] Is . . . That alright?
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That's a bit subjective, but I know you like to be challenged.
[ He wishes he could smile to Jayce, flash him a small and playful bit of teeth. What a fool he'd been to wish to cast off emotions, to live what he thought would be a peaceful life when really it was just numbing everything inside and around him. Humanity really was beautiful because of its flaws, but so much more so thanks to its blessings. ]
Jayce, you do know I cannot sleep. [ It's stated as a fact in hopes that it won't elicit any pity or equally negative emotions. There's no reason for Viktor to be concerned with the kicking or snoring outside of being indicators as to how Jayce is sleeping, if he's visited by the nightmares that clearly plague him whether or not he remembers upon waking. ] It won't bother me unless you start hurting yourself.
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[ it's all smiles and huffing through his teeth until jayce's eyes slip between them from the distraction of the sky and . . . well. from a side profile he double takes rapidly as his stare falls on their hands. still linked. his on top of viktor's. made hyperaware of how long the contact has gone for, jayce goes deathly still, barely breathes even.
part of him doesn't even want to break off. part of him is feeling the pin needle prick of awkward, too-warm belly-flips seizing him. the thought of weaving their fingers invades jayce. then, the gentle caress of his thumb across the top of viktor's golden capped tendons. both of those things— he's unsure if he could take those steps fearlessly.
jayce settles with a midway resolution: he squeezes viktor's hand instead of jolting away from it. it is a firm grip, languid and resisting the feeling of overstaying his welcome, and just as he slips away slow, indeed his thumb leaves the quietest of marks: a brush on top. and that's it. it's gone, now over his chest, and adjusting his blankets so he doesn't have to show his partner how dark his cheeks were.
his heart is pounding. in his ears. the sky should count as a good distraction as jayce fights the urge to smile a little too stupidly, ear to ear. ]
—Beautiful, isn't it?
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Yes. [ He's looking over at Jayce while clenching and unclenching his hand at his side, resisting the urge to reach over and take back the prize he hadn't been aware of winning earlier. Realizing he'd replied without thinking, he looks back up at the sky. ] Um, very beautiful. Even knowing the scientific cause doesn't lessen the aesthetic impact.
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if anyone were to question jayce on what the hell he was doing, he couldn't bring himself to give two shits. so much time has gone lost between them. every night jayce fears he will wake up and viktor will be gone, perhaps not because he's . . . left, jayce hopes not, but teleporting has a strange way of happening. jayce settles on a single thought
as he blankly oggles a shift in purple to pink hues under clouds. he doesn't know how to work out the kinks or how it would work at all— only: i want to be with him.
he wonders if viktor would tire of his advances. if he would even notice them. if he would take offense in them. think of them as nothing more than close associates. friends. part of jayce accepts it beforehand, part of him doesn't. that part just squirms uncomfortably. wasn't seven years enough—? ]
I . . . Wonder how far up north we are. There're auroras in the Freljord.
[ jayce lightly scoffs; small talk aside, of course it had to be somewhere northern. he bets his soul just invites it. ]
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Magic that feels like such a gift and a curse. Viktor is aware that his attitude towards it has changed thanks to what he'd thought had been his third death; if they had somehow teleported into this place years ago, they would be wide-eyed and eager to play with magic at every opportunity. It comes with consequences now, though, and it's more difficult to produce than just popping a gemstone into a weapon as a power source. The study of runes reminds Viktor painfully of the Hexcore that had ruined his life in his attempts to save himself, the entity that had used a vulnerable body to further its evolution.
Shaking himself from such thoughts, he turns them back to the sky above and Jayce beside him. He shivers slightly and edges closer, moving until his back is on the blanket next to Jayce, and it's only thanks to their height difference that their fingers don't brush against each other. ]
It's possible that we're not very far up at all. The celestial phenomena that predates whatever cataclysm happened here might have altered this planet and its star enough to— [ He glances over at Jayce, so close that some of his hair falls to mingle with Jayce's on the blanket beneath them. ] Well, cause an aurora. Assuming that the causes are the same, given we haven't seen the existence of a star yet.
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The planet is still rotating on its axis, [ after a moment, he points out to a cluster of smaller stars further off the aurora's belt. he's seen it before, during earlier days where he'd watch the sky for any landmarks, familiar constellations. he'd come up empty handed for any runeterra-born constellations. jayce's hand falls between them once more, his glance sideways being brief and aware of how close they are. he doesn't adjust or inch away at all. in fact— ] see those?
[ he points again, this time knocking their temples close, with purpose, to guide viktor's singular line of vision to where he's got his own. he's looking at five stars that form a cross— or a kite. ]
They're never in the same place for long. And twice now, down there— [ his arm angles east— although he doesn't know that, ] I've caught a light that presses against the edge. It just never breaches.
[ he can't tell what time it is to say if it's daylight trying to push through and never does. or some sort of other phenomenon. with his arm back down between them, elbows bump and limbs press close, woven with the fabric layers of jayce's blankets.
stargazing is a past time he's spent ignoring even since his focus shifted as an adult. he used to do it so much as a kid . . . it feels nice. feels good. nostalgic. viktor in the mix of it is like icing on a cake. ]
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It could be that the orbit and rotation align to cause long "nights" that last a span of time that, to us, feels like weeks passing. [ He thinks of the man he'd met who had lived in an alternate version of this place, according to his very confident conjecture, and Viktor makes yet another note to ask him about the day and night cycle where he comes from. ] Again, possible based on this unknown crisis that emptied this city and possibly beyond. If something happened to change the trajectory of the planet's orbit, a lack of sunlight could have led to the strange flora and fauna seen here.
[ This is easy, no matter how much the proximity gives him metaphorical goosebumps, the brush of arms and heads, the warmth he can feel coming off of Jayce from beneath his blankets. Viktor, still looking up, pulls the top layer back over Jayce's exposed arm but wiggles his hand beneath the blanket to press the back against Jayce's, unwilling to give up the touch. ]
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and about to stay there. jayce swallows the name down, and hell it feels tight, as he pulls his gaze away and ferments in the fact that, beneath the warm protection the covers offered, viktor has purposely driven their hands back together. well, it couldn't have been an accident. it's too elaborate of one.
jayce's heart soars. his hand stays. ]
We could . . . Make a compass, [ jayce's index finger curls over viktor's. his thumb presses to the finger's first joint, burning each golden curve to memory. there's a quiet elation to jayce. a heat that keeps him warmer than the blankets. connection that runs deeperthat the surface contact, an intricate network, and a door jayce opens. ] and I could've sworn there was an astrology exhibit on the museum's map.
[ they could quite possibly gather all the info needed in regards to constellations if the information wasn't eaten away by time and alien fungal matter— maybe that way . . . they could fingure at least something out about where they are and how much time is passing. it was easy to get lost in the days when there was no indication of when it was supposed to end. ]
We can— [ jayce shrugs, ] Check it out later?
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