[ If Viktor could raise an eyebrow, he would; instead, he cocks his head to one side and slightly angles his head to clearly eye Jayce. ]
Can you?
[ Pulling his legs back towards himself, he folds them beneath his body and stands with a creaking groan of metal being tested to its limits. He hadn't considered what might happen to him in cold temperatures, never thought about what a living metal body would become without its main power source, but there is at least some magic left in him to keep him... alive.
Now isn't the time to think about it. He extends a hand down to Jayce and waits expectantly to help him to his feet. ]
[ they'll just have to put it to the test. at the very least, jayce doesn't feel . . . completely out of it, just exhausted and painful. his uncertainty is etched into tight knit brows, but he extends his hand either way, rises fully through grit teeth and puffed cheeks.
he manages, but not without support. jayce is still keeping his hands on viktor for stability in the wooziness of his balance. ]
Just barely, [ would he'd really like if to get the fuck out of here, now, trying to bury the growing resentment of being abandoned to begin with. not the damn time for that, so he only breathes out a quick: ] but it's enough.
[ Luckily, Viktor has strength enough for himself and a little left over to heave Jayce to his feet and give keep him there. If he were his original height, he'd be able to sling Jayce's arm over his shoulders and help him walk that way, but then he also would be able to keep them both upright with his weak body. ]
Lean against me. [ He loops a hand beneath Jayce's arm that's not pressed against his side and wishes the hand at his back weren't useless. ] You can wrap your arm around me if you need.
[ no matter what happened behind them, they'd walk forward, together. they'd come to an end, together. his sacrifice was made upon a belief, a want, a desire, and a need. they all revolved around viktor. and what would he do, if viktor was gone? according to viktor himself, jayce would be a danger to himself. he's not exactly wrong. so why was jayce remembering all the things he's hidden from him? why does it sit poorly, gnaws at his planted feet now? his voice is leveled, grave— his head is kept low as an arm reaches, connects, holds. viktor towers over him. he doesn't gaze up; he promised he wouldn't stare. ]
Ready.
[ it keep echoing in his head: i left everything, for you— why did you leave me? it's as if the answer he already knew, the one that should make sense at the swallow of it, was not notching past his throat. jayce wants to understand it, tells himself it's complicated. viktor carries all of his ghosts close. and yet, he's upset. he's upset that he had to be in danger to spark any interest to come looking for him. to see him, again. to reunite. to stick together the way they were meant to be. human and petty, as it were.
jayce presses his lips together to the point of sucking them in. his head hurts. his heart aches a little bit more. he doesn't voice either. ]
[ Thought Viktor had made Jayce promise not to stare at him, it prickles something in his heart to see how easily he obeys. He's well aware of what his visage must evoke in Jayce's mind—Jinx had been hostile out of the gate, though that's probably not much of a litmus test when she was almost always hostile. But perhaps there had been a flicker of hope buried deep down in Viktor that Jayce would be able to look him in his one glowing golden eye and not care about the herald's machine-like body because he knew the man beneath the metal, locked in the grey honeycomb matter within.
All of that is whimsy they don't have the time to indulge in. Stepping forward, Viktor angles them towards a door that he hopes will lead to stairs. ]
Is there somewhere you've been staying? [ Viktor, being largely immune to the necessities of humanity, hadn't settled down anywhere since arriving. ] Can you lead me there?
[ jayce tries not to shake his head too fast. partially, because the purple blotches of bruises around his windpipe strain the action, making him stiff and painful. second, he didn't want viktor to notice, and tucks his sweat drenched scarf in tighter. third, it felt like he was throwing a heavy sack of potatoes around his skull and that he'd tip over or get a migraine if he swung too far this way, or that. he settles with a shrug that showcases the impartance of a single spot for him up until now (there were none).
jayce's hold is firm, gripped tight and chasing stability. his gaze holds forward for most of the trek from here to the door, but, once he catches a flicker of gold in the dark—
fuck it, jayce thinks, even more frustrated at the stupid promise he needs to upkeep, it's not staring if i don't hold it. in that frame, in a somber golden gaze and fractured face, all he sees is viktor, trapped in the doing jayce had given him. or perhaps, that they'd given each other. nothing changes. not even the way red hot frustration swells like a boil and then pops, dissipates when longing and affection are stronger.
jayce tells himself he's still upset. part of him believes it. the rest betrays it. ]
I rested wherever I could. [ because he hadn't stopped when it came to searching for viktor. if his legs were objecting to strongly, he'd been forced to cease, to rest. sleep has been abysmal. the best one he had was . . . now, for how ever long that dream had lasted, and that was damn saying something. in one stressful dream, out into another. ] . . . There's the place I woke up in, though.
[ Viktor is preoccupied with opening the door, a feat which requires more strength than he'd expected thanks to rubble crowding the other side. He knows that Jayce is looking up at him, but it last just long enough for him to get a good look. Very well, let him take in the horror of Viktor's mangled face and the nightmare of memories. Viktor knows that he isn't innocent of crimes nor faults, and if Jayce needs to remind himself of that, so be it. ]
If it has a roof and walls, it's as good as anywhere else. Better than here, too. [ Anywhere is better than a rotting building with a gaping hole in every floor. ] Is it close?
[ jayce's gaze stays on his feet, now, careful with how they move, slow in his steps. and perhaps his silence grows because he's realizing something. it'd happened before, in the ravine when he suffered the impact— it did not mean it was welcomed. he tries and tries to picture it, to pull out the directions from the catalogue of his mind, but one of the drawers have been left in disorganized shambles. ]
I don't . . . Remember. [ and that had been a frustration ready to blow larger from admittance. his brain, one of his greatest assets, was failing him. he wanted it to work at the same power output and the response was just— disappointing. and as if to deny the fact, he adds, quickly and stubbornly: ] I just need to be outside.
[ The reply is concerning, not only because of the short timeframe that doesn't explain forgetting such details but because Viktor is so well-acquainted with the brilliance of Jayce's mind. This is hardly the time to chase the topic, though, because they need better shelter and yes, Viktor would also like to get back outside. After the dream walking the line between memory and reality, he'd prefer to get somewhere open where he can focus more on where they really are, where they're going. ]
Right. Well, if anything looks familiar, shout it out, I guess.
[ jayce keeps his vision low while they move, jaw tight. he doesn't want to admit how much his head is pounding now that they're moving, and he feels sickness brew at the core of his stomach— but jayce persists, taking to viktor's pillar of a frame to lean on when it gets harsh, when saliva builds in his mouth and keeps forcing him to swallow nausea like a meal. their silence stretches taught and unpleasant, until it splinters out from jayce: bitter, and quieter than he means to bem rough around the edges but careful: ]
So . . . That was the plan, then? [ his boots scuff the floor. he doesn't look up. ] Stay away, until— [ he gestures to his head, with no real bite but indeed a point of disappointment that sits heavy. ] This.
[ Viktor doesn't mind a slow pace, worn out as he is and not nearly as badly off as Jayce. In the silence, they find stairs that declare this level as B2, so at least they won't be attempting to climb countless flights of stairs just to get out of this cursed building.
Having expected silence, the question surprises him. There hadn't been a plan other than stay away from Jayce, something he knows is foolish in hindsight since their lives are so inextricably linked. ]
I didn't plan for you venturing out on your own and falling through a hole in the floor, if that's what you mean. [ There's more than a hint of criticism in his tone; Jayce is smart enough to know that he shouldn't be in a place like this alone. Viktor had assumed he'd make allies with someone else, anyone else. ]
[ jayce's brows furrow deeply— until he is casting it mid-step at viktor's highest peak. alright, well, he felt that. like a dull sting, rivaling the throb of his leg without pain killers. he didn't plan for him falling through a hole? that's kind of rich. considering another version of him did. in his mild frustration, he doesn't think when he says this: ]
What you mean is you didn't plan for me to want to be with you?
[ the earnestness of that seizes jayce, catches a breath like he would a gasp when he realizes that he just keeps sounding weirder with viktor. that held breath is whisked out through his teeth in a slight, too quiet hiss, more of a sigh as he shakes his head and wills the color rising up his neck to dissipate.
jayce curls his fingers, one by one, and hovers his fist over his mouth to chase his creeping anxiety. quickly, almost too soft, to betray any quips, he adds: ]
—Well, I do.
[ and braves another flight of stairs. so. so there. let him marinate in that, now. ]
[ If Viktor still had the ability to move his face, to emote, his eyebrows would be furrowing as a mirror of Jayce's scowl while one corner of his mouth lifted in a confused grimace; as it is, he can't make facial expressions willingly or otherwise, and so remains stoic. Still, the jab hits home in his chest because Jayce is right on the money. ]
Of course I didn't. [ He doesn't think he needs to explain that he assumed Jayce would be better off without a living machine lumbering around behind him, looming over him, scaring off potential allies in a place where they seem incredibly necessary. Viktor hadn't planned for Jayce to want to be with him and so decided it was better to rip the bandage off himself rather than risk finding him only to be met with disgust or fear or, worst of all, total indifference.
Making a humming noise that sounds like an engine coming to life, an indication he's about to speak, Jayce's follow-up silences him. He hadn't been fishing for reassurance and yet it came all the same. Perhaps it's familiarity in the face of strangers in a strange land, or genuine desire to rekindle a friendship, but there's no trace of a lie in his words. ]
Why? [ Jayce leans against Viktor who in turn leans on the banister as they ascend the stairs, Viktor two at a time though at half the pace of his armful to allow him as much stability as possible.
[ we don't know that jayce thinks, and unease sinking in his chest but manages to drown behind jayce's mortal enemy: these stairs. as much as viktor aids and slows down for him, jayce still motions every once in a while for him to stop. his grimace becomes more about the pain, on top of his raging body's fatigue. contesting to his moving around is becoming an occurance, but jayce pushes forward when he thinks he can shoulder more, his grips tight on viktor as much the railing closest to him.
he took climbing zaun. he could take this. ]
Because, [ jayce huffs with extertion, but managing, pausing only for his voice to go surprisingly, incredibly soft. ] you're my partner.
[ for a millisecond, jayce thought something else. he dusts it quickly under the rug. partners has always been . . . all they needed. everything and more. another definition for what they were would just give him another headache, and more reason to deny why his face still felt a tingling hot-cold. it's the damn weather. ]
[ The climb is slow going, but at least they are tackling it at a steady pace. It also allows for moments where the conversation lulls as Jayce has to catch his breath or Viktor takes a second to lean against the wall. He could easily throw out a comment about needing to focus energy on getting out of here, but he also begrudgingly acknowledges that they need to talk about this sooner or later—might as well be when they're facing a problem together like old times.
A wheeze of air leaves him like a sigh or the rush of air from bellows to stoke a forge. He's still getting used to the unusual noises he makes, the half-there emotions expressed through a machine running on unknown energy. Viktor is still stunned that he even works without arcane magic powering him, but perhaps the goddess who had dragged him here was able to substitute her own magic. To what end? That was an important question hanging at the back of his mind. ]
You didn't want to be my partner last time I asked. [ If there is a hint of a pout in his voice, no there isn't. He's well aware that the offer had been one that Jayce couldn't accept, yet it had still stung to think that the one person always at his side would continue to betray him—learning that it was in a weird, twisted loyalty to a future version of Viktor didn't soften that blow.
Silence to a moment as they crest the first landing; one story worth of stairs left to go. ] Sorry, that was... childish. But you can't pretend that your actions haven't been confusing.
[ they both know that, but it doesn't mean that jayce doesn't still feel a blow knock the wind out of him with a pause, beat and sigh before he's pulling himself up another case. ]
I know. [ gods, he knows. and it pained him over and over but at this point, he felt like he was repeating himself. turning his head hurts, the wince breaching his eyelids with a flicker before he forces his gaze forward. ahead. the harmed muscle from being crushed in viktor's vice still left behind its mark yet to heal, reminding jayce that he has his own contusions about all this— physically and emotionally. ] It was confusing for me, too.
[ sometimes it still is goes unsaid, but not unfelt. his feelings are so focused and at the same time so all over the place. he sees viktor and he sees the broken face of the arcane herald. he sees his partner and never wants to let him slip away again. he hears all this revving and purring and underneath it all it still sounds like viktor huffing and clicking his tongue under schematics and a chalkboard. it's different. it's all completely different yet it is still viktor. ]
I want to try again. No interference.[ no hexcore, no politics, to terrorist attacks or future selves. he barely shakes his head; it's too stiff for that. ] Just us.
[ Just us. What an idealistic concept, to consider that they could live in a vacuum while untangling all of the confusion between them, within them. Perhaps if they had ended up in a less hostile environment—Viktor doesn't pretend to believe in an afterlife, doesn't waste a thought on both of them ending up in the peaceful one—there would have been more of an opportunity to focus on their friendship rather than pure survival.
Still, it's... nice. He believes Jayce even if he doesn't totally trust him yet. Trust was something that could be rebuilt, but belief requires a leap of faith that Viktor somehow always has the heart for when it comes to Jayce. ]
Where do we start? [ It's a raw, vulnerable question for someone encased in living armor. Viktor doesn't have the same experience with befriending people as Jayce does, isn't exactly charismatic with strangers. This is new territory for both of them; then again, who has experience with fighting a partner on a cosmic level? ]
[ jayce pauses; he knows the answer to this, and it comes with a hopeful creep, slower than this deathly climb he wishes could end. at the top of the last flight, jayce handles a supporting rail and turns fully to viktor, both to catch his breath as well as tell him something important, eye to eye. he even reaches out, to touch the edge of viktor's arm as an indicator to meet him, in this half-turn. ]
With honesty. [ his brows slant breifly, his lips thin— but he pushes his words, trying not to sound upset by it and failing, by a smidge. ] No more hiding things, no more half-truths. I don't care how bad it is— if we're going to do this, you have to let me see you . . . All of you.
[ every part that he loves, but repeating that a second time (or third? he barely remembers his hypothermic-concussed babbling) outloud threatens to squeeze his chest tight and expose every bit of entangled emotion more raw than ever. there is almost, almost a plea to the man's gaze, briefly on the viel hiding part of viktor's face. in the meantime, jayce searches for his partner in the glow of a single golden orb of an eye, then drifts to his other faces, the ones he's more familiar with, split and shed like an insect's useless shell. it's not useless to him. it's missed, but he can adapt. he can accept. he sees him. or, feels him, at least— that desire to connect and the faith he has in him to even be asking— jayce will not mess this up for them. not again, not ever. if he's going to make another promise, it's this one. his head bobs, stiff but affirming to add: ]
[ Viktor stops short a few steps below Jayce, meeting his eyes at level rather than looming down from above. From this angle, the wrinkles on Jayce's face are more obvious, less hidden beneath the shag of his hair and the furrow of his brows. It's almost unbelievable how different he is from the fresh-faced golden boy Viktor had known for so long, miraculous that beneath the worn lines is that same young man who had captured Viktor's imagination through words on a page and passionate rants on the edge of a cliff.
Honesty. There are things he cannot be honest about, truths that would hurt far more than they could ever help. Viktor tucks those away deep inside of him, a vault that has grown over the years as he's made room to house more secrets: the temptation to mirror Jayce's smile anytime it's wide enough to reveal the gap in his teeth, the comfort he feels any time Jayce begins to hum under his breath, the familiarity of his footsteps so Viktor would always know when he was coming down the hallway. There are so many private little quirks and moments that have all piled up to create one big truth that Viktor can never bring himself to share. Everything else, though, could be a starting point. ]
Alright. [ He agrees even before Jayce amends that he's being held accountable, too, having assumed as much. If they're going to find their way back to being partners, the street would be going both ways, as they say.
Feeling Jayce's eyes linger on him, Viktor resists the urge to let himself rankle and instead reaches up to remove his veil. With it goes some of his awareness of the magic around them, the buzz of consciousnesses on the edge of connection, ready to be reached with a moment of concentration. He feels vulnerable as he reveals his face fully, looking down between them rather than meeting Jayce's gaze any longer. ]
This is what I am now. I... wanted to avoid you seeing me like this. [ He's pretty certain that Jayce had gleaned as much already, but if they're being honest, then there's no time like the present. Here I am, he thinks as his long fingers twist in the veil he's clutching on one hand, Broken and powerless again. ] I could not stomach the thought of your pity, or worse, your fear.
[ the viel comes off, and something shifts for jayce. the meaning of it, of coaxing viktor out of his insecurity once more, as many times as it took. his features shift with him, from inwardly, anxiously waiting to a drop of relief that pinches jayce's brows in warm welcome. there is no pity. definitely not fear. there is something that goes unnamed, nor unnoticed. through jayce's pain, his thin pressed lips curve just enough through it.
there you are, he thinks, even if what looks back at him from the honeycomb cracks was not viktor's prior face, but holes and webs of matter conjured by the anomaly. by the hexcore, where ekko had thrown the zdrive and gave jayce the very time he needed. imperfectly perfect.
it is much like their other grievances: jayce feels sorry for it. but he can't regret it— not if he had his partner back from the hexcore's vicegrip. the way the muscles on jayce's facd crease his wrinkles, his crow's feet, his deeper eyebags— it is the only semblance of joy that he could have as his reassurance bubbles up, unnannounced.
that is viktor. that is the man he'd go to the edge of the world for. that he'd doom timelines for. that he'd seek, again and again, even through his bitterness. it becomes bittersweet. jayce looks for viktor's eye, anyway, and nearly beams if they were to meet his in the dreary wear of his rattled, messy stature. ]
You won't find that here. Not from me.
[ jayce doesn't expect it to bridge the gaps or balm the scrapes they've suffered. but for a moment, it feels hopeful. and that's all he needs.]
[ Though he hadn't truly expected Jayce to react with any outward disgust or fear, at best assuming that Jayce would be able to hide it for the benefit of them working things through, Viktor still can't ignore the small blossom of hope that takes seed in his heart. There's no flinching, no clenching of the jaw or swallowing against a mouth suddenly dry with fright. Jayce is there, and he's looking at Viktor, and they just... are.
Looking up at Jayce to meet his gaze with one eye, he busies himself for a moment with tucking his veil into the tattered fabric around his neck. He's still clad in Jayce's blanket, or what's left of it, and Jayce still has the runic shawl that had been gifted to Viktor upon arrival. A mirror, in some ways, and a dream in many others. ]
Good. [ He nods a little, feeling awkward standing there just looking at each other. The veil is such a tempting comfort but he resists to take the last couple of steps up to stand on the landing with Jayce. ] Then we should go.
[ jayce's gaze flutters into blinking, only now aware he's been staring perhaps a bit too long for the comfort of them both. they've got some ways to go, so— agreed. with a nod, jayce wobbles after viktor. his pacing is slow moving, the same in needing short breaks to hold his head or stave the occasional nausea from vertigo. otherwise, they'll probably make it back to the museum in under an hour.
it goes without saying: when he manages to balance the throbbing migraine and the silence, jayce has questions about magic. that would be, perhaps, the one thing keeping their trek going fluidly.
there's hope for them. he sees it— he wished he could cradle it rather than stretch for it, just out of stiff reach. day by day, then. the outlook was promising. ]
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Can you?
[ Pulling his legs back towards himself, he folds them beneath his body and stands with a creaking groan of metal being tested to its limits. He hadn't considered what might happen to him in cold temperatures, never thought about what a living metal body would become without its main power source, but there is at least some magic left in him to keep him... alive.
Now isn't the time to think about it. He extends a hand down to Jayce and waits expectantly to help him to his feet. ]
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he manages, but not without support. jayce is still keeping his hands on viktor for stability in the wooziness of his balance. ]
Just barely, [ would he'd really like if to get the fuck out of here, now, trying to bury the growing resentment of being abandoned to begin with. not the damn time for that, so he only breathes out a quick: ] but it's enough.
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Lean against me. [ He loops a hand beneath Jayce's arm that's not pressed against his side and wishes the hand at his back weren't useless. ] You can wrap your arm around me if you need.
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Ready.
[ it keep echoing in his head: i left everything, for you— why did you leave me? it's as if the answer he already knew, the one that should make sense at the swallow of it, was not notching past his throat. jayce wants to understand it, tells himself it's complicated. viktor carries all of his ghosts close. and yet, he's upset. he's upset that he had to be in danger to spark any interest to come looking for him. to see him, again. to reunite. to stick together the way they were meant to be. human and petty, as it were.
jayce presses his lips together to the point of sucking them in. his head hurts. his heart aches a little bit more. he doesn't voice either. ]
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All of that is whimsy they don't have the time to indulge in. Stepping forward, Viktor angles them towards a door that he hopes will lead to stairs. ]
Is there somewhere you've been staying? [ Viktor, being largely immune to the necessities of humanity, hadn't settled down anywhere since arriving. ] Can you lead me there?
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jayce's hold is firm, gripped tight and chasing stability. his gaze holds forward for most of the trek from here to the door, but, once he catches a flicker of gold in the dark—
fuck it, jayce thinks, even more frustrated at the stupid promise he needs to upkeep, it's not staring if i don't hold it. in that frame, in a somber golden gaze and fractured face, all he sees is viktor, trapped in the doing jayce had given him. or perhaps, that they'd given each other. nothing changes. not even the way red hot frustration swells like a boil and then pops, dissipates when longing and affection are stronger.
jayce tells himself he's still upset. part of him believes it. the rest betrays it. ]
I rested wherever I could. [ because he hadn't stopped when it came to searching for viktor. if his legs were objecting to strongly, he'd been forced to cease, to rest. sleep has been abysmal. the best one he had was . . . now, for how ever long that dream had lasted, and that was damn saying something. in one stressful dream, out into another. ] . . . There's the place I woke up in, though.
[ he knows viktor would have like it.
and fuck that, too. ]
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If it has a roof and walls, it's as good as anywhere else. Better than here, too. [ Anywhere is better than a rotting building with a gaping hole in every floor. ] Is it close?
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I don't . . . Remember. [ and that had been a frustration ready to blow larger from admittance. his brain, one of his greatest assets, was failing him. he wanted it to work at the same power output and the response was just— disappointing. and as if to deny the fact, he adds, quickly and stubbornly: ] I just need to be outside.
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Right. Well, if anything looks familiar, shout it out, I guess.
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So . . . That was the plan, then? [ his boots scuff the floor. he doesn't look up. ] Stay away, until— [ he gestures to his head, with no real bite but indeed a point of disappointment that sits heavy. ] This.
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Having expected silence, the question surprises him. There hadn't been a plan other than stay away from Jayce, something he knows is foolish in hindsight since their lives are so inextricably linked. ]
I didn't plan for you venturing out on your own and falling through a hole in the floor, if that's what you mean. [ There's more than a hint of criticism in his tone; Jayce is smart enough to know that he shouldn't be in a place like this alone. Viktor had assumed he'd make allies with someone else, anyone else. ]
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What you mean is you didn't plan for me to want to be with you?
[ the earnestness of that seizes jayce, catches a breath like he would a gasp when he realizes that he just keeps sounding weirder with viktor. that held breath is whisked out through his teeth in a slight, too quiet hiss, more of a sigh as he shakes his head and wills the color rising up his neck to dissipate.
jayce curls his fingers, one by one, and hovers his fist over his mouth to chase his creeping anxiety. quickly, almost too soft, to betray any quips, he adds: ]
—Well, I do.
[ and braves another flight of stairs. so. so there. let him marinate in that, now. ]
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Of course I didn't. [ He doesn't think he needs to explain that he assumed Jayce would be better off without a living machine lumbering around behind him, looming over him, scaring off potential allies in a place where they seem incredibly necessary. Viktor hadn't planned for Jayce to want to be with him and so decided it was better to rip the bandage off himself rather than risk finding him only to be met with disgust or fear or, worst of all, total indifference.
Making a humming noise that sounds like an engine coming to life, an indication he's about to speak, Jayce's follow-up silences him. He hadn't been fishing for reassurance and yet it came all the same. Perhaps it's familiarity in the face of strangers in a strange land, or genuine desire to rekindle a friendship, but there's no trace of a lie in his words. ]
Why? [ Jayce leans against Viktor who in turn leans on the banister as they ascend the stairs, Viktor two at a time though at half the pace of his armful to allow him as much stability as possible.
Why do you persist? ] Piltover is safe.
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he took climbing zaun. he could take this. ]
Because, [ jayce huffs with extertion, but managing, pausing only for his voice to go surprisingly, incredibly soft. ] you're my partner.
[ for a millisecond, jayce thought something else. he dusts it quickly under the rug. partners has always been . . . all they needed. everything and more. another definition for what they were would just give him another headache, and more reason to deny why his face still felt a tingling hot-cold. it's the damn weather. ]
And you always will be.
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A wheeze of air leaves him like a sigh or the rush of air from bellows to stoke a forge. He's still getting used to the unusual noises he makes, the half-there emotions expressed through a machine running on unknown energy. Viktor is still stunned that he even works without arcane magic powering him, but perhaps the goddess who had dragged him here was able to substitute her own magic. To what end? That was an important question hanging at the back of his mind. ]
You didn't want to be my partner last time I asked. [ If there is a hint of a pout in his voice, no there isn't. He's well aware that the offer had been one that Jayce couldn't accept, yet it had still stung to think that the one person always at his side would continue to betray him—learning that it was in a weird, twisted loyalty to a future version of Viktor didn't soften that blow.
Silence to a moment as they crest the first landing; one story worth of stairs left to go. ] Sorry, that was... childish. But you can't pretend that your actions haven't been confusing.
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I know. [ gods, he knows. and it pained him over and over but at this point, he felt like he was repeating himself. turning his head hurts, the wince breaching his eyelids with a flicker before he forces his gaze forward. ahead. the harmed muscle from being crushed in viktor's vice still left behind its mark yet to heal, reminding jayce that he has his own contusions about all this— physically and emotionally. ] It was confusing for me, too.
[ sometimes it still is goes unsaid, but not unfelt. his feelings are so focused and at the same time so all over the place. he sees viktor and he sees the broken face of the arcane herald. he sees his partner and never wants to let him slip away again. he hears all this revving and purring and underneath it all it still sounds like viktor huffing and clicking his tongue under schematics and a chalkboard. it's different. it's all completely different yet it is still viktor. ]
I want to try again. No interference.[ no hexcore, no politics, to terrorist attacks or future selves. he barely shakes his head; it's too stiff for that. ] Just us.
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Still, it's... nice. He believes Jayce even if he doesn't totally trust him yet. Trust was something that could be rebuilt, but belief requires a leap of faith that Viktor somehow always has the heart for when it comes to Jayce. ]
Where do we start? [ It's a raw, vulnerable question for someone encased in living armor. Viktor doesn't have the same experience with befriending people as Jayce does, isn't exactly charismatic with strangers. This is new territory for both of them; then again, who has experience with fighting a partner on a cosmic level? ]
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With honesty. [ his brows slant breifly, his lips thin— but he pushes his words, trying not to sound upset by it and failing, by a smidge. ] No more hiding things, no more half-truths. I don't care how bad it is— if we're going to do this, you have to let me see you . . . All of you.
[ every part that he loves, but repeating that a second time (or third? he barely remembers his hypothermic-concussed babbling) outloud threatens to squeeze his chest tight and expose every bit of entangled emotion more raw than ever. there is almost, almost a plea to the man's gaze, briefly on the viel hiding part of viktor's face. in the meantime, jayce searches for his partner in the glow of a single golden orb of an eye, then drifts to his other faces, the ones he's more familiar with, split and shed like an insect's useless shell. it's not useless to him. it's missed, but he can adapt. he can accept. he sees him. or, feels him, at least— that desire to connect and the faith he has in him to even be asking— jayce will not mess this up for them. not again, not ever. if he's going to make another promise, it's this one. his head bobs, stiff but affirming to add: ]
And I'll do the same.
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Honesty. There are things he cannot be honest about, truths that would hurt far more than they could ever help. Viktor tucks those away deep inside of him, a vault that has grown over the years as he's made room to house more secrets: the temptation to mirror Jayce's smile anytime it's wide enough to reveal the gap in his teeth, the comfort he feels any time Jayce begins to hum under his breath, the familiarity of his footsteps so Viktor would always know when he was coming down the hallway. There are so many private little quirks and moments that have all piled up to create one big truth that Viktor can never bring himself to share. Everything else, though, could be a starting point. ]
Alright. [ He agrees even before Jayce amends that he's being held accountable, too, having assumed as much. If they're going to find their way back to being partners, the street would be going both ways, as they say.
Feeling Jayce's eyes linger on him, Viktor resists the urge to let himself rankle and instead reaches up to remove his veil. With it goes some of his awareness of the magic around them, the buzz of consciousnesses on the edge of connection, ready to be reached with a moment of concentration. He feels vulnerable as he reveals his face fully, looking down between them rather than meeting Jayce's gaze any longer. ]
This is what I am now. I... wanted to avoid you seeing me like this. [ He's pretty certain that Jayce had gleaned as much already, but if they're being honest, then there's no time like the present. Here I am, he thinks as his long fingers twist in the veil he's clutching on one hand, Broken and powerless again. ] I could not stomach the thought of your pity, or worse, your fear.
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there you are, he thinks, even if what looks back at him from the honeycomb cracks was not viktor's prior face, but holes and webs of matter conjured by the anomaly. by the hexcore, where ekko had thrown the zdrive and gave jayce the very time he needed. imperfectly perfect.
it is much like their other grievances: jayce feels sorry for it. but he can't regret it— not if he had his partner back from the hexcore's vicegrip. the way the muscles on jayce's facd crease his wrinkles, his crow's feet, his deeper eyebags— it is the only semblance of joy that he could have as his reassurance bubbles up, unnannounced.
that is viktor. that is the man he'd go to the edge of the world for. that he'd doom timelines for. that he'd seek, again and again, even through his bitterness. it becomes bittersweet. jayce looks for viktor's eye, anyway, and nearly beams if they were to meet his in the dreary wear of his rattled, messy stature. ]
You won't find that here. Not from me.
[ jayce doesn't expect it to bridge the gaps or balm the scrapes they've suffered. but for a moment, it feels hopeful. and that's all he needs.]
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Looking up at Jayce to meet his gaze with one eye, he busies himself for a moment with tucking his veil into the tattered fabric around his neck. He's still clad in Jayce's blanket, or what's left of it, and Jayce still has the runic shawl that had been gifted to Viktor upon arrival. A mirror, in some ways, and a dream in many others. ]
Good. [ He nods a little, feeling awkward standing there just looking at each other. The veil is such a tempting comfort but he resists to take the last couple of steps up to stand on the landing with Jayce. ] Then we should go.
and that's a wrap!
it goes without saying: when he manages to balance the throbbing migraine and the silence, jayce has questions about magic. that would be, perhaps, the one thing keeping their trek going fluidly.
there's hope for them. he sees it— he wished he could cradle it rather than stretch for it, just out of stiff reach. day by day, then. the outlook was promising. ]